Bullets popped and pinged all over the boat and pierced the
Mediterranean’s dark, undulating surface. Somebody had tipped off the
local gendarmerie about the bootleg cigarettes down in our
hold, and they’d been there on the shore to greet us as we steamed up
to the dock. Hajer, our snaggletoothed Tunisian captain, knew that we
were nabbed. But it would be bad form to go quietly. In Marseilles, a
brief exchange of half-serious gunfire was considered merely the polite
prelude to an arrest. Hajer’s sneering smile stretched the long scar
that ran down the side of his face as he popped off a couple more
desultory rounds.

Me, I hunched down behind a big coil of rope, lit another Gauloise, and tortured myself with memories of the jeune fille back in Tangiers, the one who’d driven me to seek my fortune at sea. Some fortune.

After
Hajer’s pantomime of resistance, it all went according to form: we were
cuffed, loaded into a van, booked, locked up, all for the crime of
violating the monopoly of France’s state-owned tobacco company. A gawky
French cop with too much nose hair led me to my cell. I asked a
(perhaps flippant) question about when breakfast was served around
here. “For all I care, you can rot to death in this cell until the rats
feast on your stinking guts and the flies lay their eggs in your
liquefying eyeballs,” he spat, which I thought seemed unduly harsh for
a victimless crime.

I was just reminiscing about what my
lost love smelled like – lilacs and cumin and something else I couldn’t
place – when Nosehair swung the cell door open for a surprise visit.
“If I’d’ve known you were coming, I’d’ve set out a platter of petit fours,” I told him. He said only, “Come.” I followed him and his dense nasal thatch back down the hall.

A
bored, jowly desk cop gave me the news: “You’re being released.” I took
my belt and my little bag of personal effects from him, confused but in
no mood to ask a lot of pesky questions. “It seems that our informant
was incorrect. There were no cigarettes on that boat. You have
committed no crime.”

No cigarettes? What? I’d loaded some
of the crates myself. But then it occurred to me…I’d never looked
inside any of them. Jowls went on as he scrawled away at my release
paperwork. “No, all that was in the boat was a large shipment of JVC 770 Watt 7.1 Receivers.”

My head swam. “You mean the RXD301S? The home theater receiver with 110 watts per channel to 7.1 channels? The one with Dolby Digital EX and all kinds of DTS surround processing, and the ability to connect wirelessly to any PC with a free USB port? That JVC 770 Watt 7.1 Receiver?” I couldn’t get my head around it. It didn’t make any sense.

Without
looking up, he nodded. The jowls danced. “The same. Perfectly legal
within French borders, although the slim chassis does have some heat
dissipation issues. Now, if you’ll sign here…”

I signed. I
left. I never saw Hajer again. And I never did figure out what angle he
was working. But I knew one thing: with all those JVC 770 Watt 7.1 Receivers, it probably sounded pretty good.
Warranty: One year

Features:

• Stereo: 110 watts per channel, 6 ohms, from 20Hz to 20kHz, with 0.8% THD
• Surround: (Front) 110 watts per channel, 6 ohms at 1kHz, with 0.8% THD; (Center) 110 watts, 6 ohms at 1kHz, with 0.8% THD; (Surround) 110 watts per channel, 6 ohms at 1kHz, with 0.8% THD; (Surround Back) 110 watts per channel, 6 ohms at 1kHz, with 0.8% THD
• Dolby Digital EX/Dolby Digital/Dolby Pro Logic IIx/Dolby Pro Logic II
• DTS/DTS-ES/DTS NEO:6/DTS 96/24
• DVD Multi-Channel Audio Compatible
• Hybrid Feedback Digital Amplifier Ver. III
• Wireless Connection with PC — The receiver is equipped with a USB terminal on the front panel and a USB Wireless Antenna terminal on the rear. By connecting a USB wireless antenna (supplied) to the USB Wireless Antenna terminal and a USB wireless transmitter (supplied) to your PC - you can enjoy playback of music files from PC. (USB Wireless)
• CC Converter
  (2 Modes, Front Channels) — offers two modes for improving the sound
  quality of compressed audio and non-compressed sources, respectively
• USB Input for receiving audio signals from PC
• Center-Channel Alignment
• Virtual Surround Back for creating even wider sound field without a surround back speaker
• 3D-PHONIC
• DAP for Multi-Channel Digital Sources: THEATER 1/THEATER 2/HALL 1/HALL 2/DANCE CLUB/LIVE CLUB/PAVILION
• DAP for 2-Channel Sources: MONO FILM/THEATER 1/THEATER 2/HALL 1/HALL 2/DANCE CLUB/LIVE CLUB/PAVILION/ALL CH STEREO
• 3D Headphone
• 192kHz/24-bit P.E.M. D.D. Converter (Front Channels)
• Video Up-Conversion (Composite to S-Video/Composite to Component)
• Quick Speaker Setup
• One-Touch Operation
• DSP Digital Equalizer
• AV COMPU LINK
• Multi-Brand A/V-STB (CATV/DBS) Glow Remote Control

Inputs/Outputs:

• Audio: Analog – 4 Inputs and 2 Outputs, Digital – 2 Optical Inputs, 1 Optical Output and 1 Coaxial Input
  (Assignable)
• Video: Component – 2 Inputs and 1 Output, S-Video – 3 Inputs and 3 Outputs, Composite – 3 Inputs and 3 Outputs
• USB Input
• Pre-out: Subwoofer – 1 Output
• Speaker Terminals: Front L/R (Banana Plug), Center (Banana Plug), Surround L/R, and Surround Back x 2

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