Today's Music Monday is a break from our standard "five examples of" form, but we're doing it with good reason. Today we're celebrating the birthday of a man who found himself caught in the middle of a phenomenon and handled it correctly. He didn't take it too seriously, he didn't start suing people, and he basically stayed out of the way and let it happen around him. In return, the mobs of Internet took care of him, and today his signature hit is STILL getting attention. We recommend you click the image below to RickRoll yourself in his honor:
 

Hide This PersonWith settings specifically for photos of food, pets, and the beach, you can annoy your Facebook friends like never before.At first I didn’t understand all the hostile comments. “Thanks, I REALLY care about what you have for dinner EVERY SINGLE DAY,” said one college classmate under a photo of my delicious shrimp risotto.

Call of Pavilion.From one HP to another: “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh HP Pavilion wgah’nagl fhtagn!”

Baby, I’m sorry.As a show of good faith and contrition in light of my infidelity, I’ve gotten you a gift.“I can’t believe you thought you could bribe me with-”
“It’s not a bribe! It’s a gift! It’s a gift to say, ‘I’m sorry,’ and ‘Thank you for sticking with me despite my incredibly poor judgment.’ It’s a 64GB Apple iPad!”

Welcome back to The United States of Songs, my quest to either find a new song to represent each state in the union or drive myself insane trying to turn these out week in and week out, whichever comes first. Come along with me, dear reader, to the Buckeye State!

The state: Ohio

Nothing's more important than family. Not speeding cars, not acid-spitting aliens, not spaceships with a ridiculous number of guns attached to the front, not anything. That's why you don't see any of that stuff we just listed in All That Matters. Instead, you'll see this:
 

 

Shooting the DeadJeez, can we get one minute of footage without some paranormal stuff messing everything up?!

I’m no etymologist. In fact, I only learned what “etymologist” means after spell check told me “wordtometrist” wasn’t a real word. Still, you don’t need to be all that etymoligious to break down a word like “metaphor.” It’s a simple two-parter:
 
Part 1: meta – an anagram for “meat.”
Part 2: phor – the more letters version of “for.”

See: that’s why metaphors are so interesting, because they’re essentially “meat for [thought].”

Turn Off The WorldI used to let people know I didn’t want to talk to them by staring blankly into a smartphone. That was until I thought about how rude I was being.

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

If all goes according to planThe Neato XV-12 is an intelligent, efficient machine. That’s important to know when planning a heist.Here are the facts as we have them:
1. Millionaire Marco Vidalli is notoriously clumsy.

Can I make a confession? I kind of hate Super Bowl commercials. They're a lot like the Super Bowl itself: bloated with hype and usually a letdown. Even the best of them are still, you know, commercials. But there's no denying that Super Bowl commercials are responsible for some of the most enduring (or enduringly awful) artifacts of their time. Can you name the 8 advertisers responsible for the famous and infamous Super Bowl ads seen below? And for the 2-point conversion, can you name the year each aired?

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

My Hungry Valentine
Yes, we’re really selling delicious chocolate covered salted caramels. No, we haven’t magically changed bodies with Wine.Woot.

Is January a bleak, colorless time of the year where you live?